


Where do the stars go when I look at you?

by peteysgaypanic



Category: The Outsiders - S. E. Hinton
Genre: Crying, Gay Johnny Cade, Gay Ponyboy Curtis, Gay denial, Johnny pukes., M/M, Mentioned Ships - Freeform, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Realization, The Outsiders, gay relationships, johnnyboy, mlm, slight angst, stevepop
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-26
Updated: 2018-06-15
Packaged: 2019-05-13 14:04:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14750276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peteysgaypanic/pseuds/peteysgaypanic
Summary: Johnny has to come to terms with his feelings toward his best friend. He knows it'll be hard because boys don't date boys, well, people say they don't.





	1. Feelings are like stars.

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya! This is my first post on here, so please be nice, i'm tryin to get ahold of it uwu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Johnny is developing feelings for his best friend, Ponyboy Curtis, this is a little fic on how he's gonna deal with it and figure his own identity out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya! This is my first fic on here, so please be nice and be easy with criticism. I'm still trying to figure all of this out uwu

It was just another night, Johnny was on his way down to the lot because of his family's nightly fight. All his parents did was yell and beat. That's all they knew how to do anymore, but with the Curtis boys, he felt safe. But Ponyboy was his closest friend, sure Dallas and Soda and even Two-Bit were real good guys to have around, Ponyboy could really understand him. They're around the same age so it makes some sense. But that's not exactly all about why they're so close.

Johnny is starting to think he's having feelings, not normal ones, but feelings that Dallas would have for a cute girl. And it's worse because these feelings are for Ponyboy, now, in this time that's looked down upon. And in Johnny's family, you would be seen as gross and he would probably get disowned for having thoughts like that. 

Johnny arrived at the lot, tilting his head up and saw...Ponyboy? Ponyboy was sitting there, looking at the flowers that bloomed at nighttime. Then, he also tilted his head up and smiled at Johnny. "Hey Johnnycakes, family givin' ya a hard time again?" Ponyboy asked. Johnny let out a sigh and nodded "All they wanna do is yell at me, and..." Johnny paused. Ponyboy nodded "I know Johnnycakes, it's alright"

Johnny sat down next to Ponyboy, smiling weakly at him "Thank you.." he sighed softly, leaning back. Ponyboy turned his head to the older boy "Ya need a smoke?" He asked, which he got a quick nod in response.

He handed one of his cigarettes to Johnny and lit it for him. Johnny gazed at Ponyboy for a moment as he puffed his cigarette, then turned away. "How have Soda and Darry been treatin' ya?" He asked, getting a light chuckle for Ponyboy "Now why are ya laughin' at me?" Johnny laughed slightly with his words. He wasn't offended but he was genuinely curious.

"Why're you asking that? You never do that." Ponyboy replied. He didn't wanna assume, but it was just a random question. "Askin' what? I just..was wonderin'." He said, his voice getting quieter as the sentence went on. "Y'know you've been actin' a bit weird recently." Ponyboy pointed out, hoping it didn't sound rude. Johnny became defensive, his face heating up and his eyes widening "I'm not a-actin' weird! I just..have..uhm..." Johnny looked down at his shaking hands, beginning to think about leaving the lot. "I-i've cared more, since..since I know the anniversary of your parents..um..." Ponyboy cut Johnny off "Their death, that's what you're sayin'?" he said, Johnny sighed and nodded. He truly felt bad for Ponyboy, he only knew Ponyboy's parents for a little bit before they passed away. Ponyboy glanced at the ground and felt a tingle in the tip of his nose, signaling he was gonna cry. The more he thought about them, the worse it got till he found himself rubbing violently at his leaking eyes. "P-Ponyboy? Y-You okay??" Johnny asked, worried. Ponyboy hiccuped and looked at Johnny, who was now right next to him, pulling him into a hug which Ponyboy gladly took the hug and wrapped his arms around Johnny's skinny figure. Johhny ran his fingers through Ponyboy's soft blonde hair, which Ponyboy had washed the product out of.

Johnny began to tear up himself while hearing Ponyboy quietly sob against his chest, tears soaking into Johnny's jacket. He felt his heart flutter when he looked down, met with Ponyboy's beautiful hazel-green eyes gazing up at him. It truly made him feel so happy it made him sick, quite literally, Johnny had to pull away from the hug to lean over the opposite way, throwing up onto the ground. Ponyboy sniffled from behind him, scooting closer and running his hand up and down Johnny's back to comfort him, it's something that his brothers always do to him when he's sick.

"I-It's been a long night Johnny...y-you need to rest" Ponyboy hiccuped, Johnny wiped his lips with his sleeve and looked at the sky, noticing how the dark blue clashed with a few clouds. He stood up with Ponyboy, who wrapped his arm around Johnny's shoulders. They got back into the house, Ponyboy removed Johnny's jacket and called for Darry, he folded the dirty jacket and then left it on the kitchen counter. He took Johnny upstairs and gave him some extra clothes, a shirt, and some cotton underwear. Johnny smiled "Thanks, Ponyboy." he said, then headed to the bathroom to change. 

Once Johnny was changed, washed his face and brushed his teeth because Ponyboy didn't want Johnny to have the aftertaste of vomit in his mouth in the morning, he got into bed with Ponyboy. Ponyboy made sure that Johnny had enough space and blanket, which Johnny chuckled to the question a bit after the 12th time he asked.

Later on into the night, Sodapop came home late from being out with Steve, doing god knows what. He headed into his bedroom, starting to take off his jacket until he saw Johnny and Ponyboy cuddled together in the bed like babies. He couldn't do anything other than chuckle at them, before walking downstairs and passing out on the couch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! sorry that it was short. I'm still trying to get ahold of writing and such <3 I should be able to update more because school is out for me :)


	2. Ripped Jeans and Fruity Candies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys go for a walk in the evening and watch the sunset while they eat some candy. Johnny cries about some feelings and they slowly both start to realise that they both may be gay.

Johnny sat up in his place in the bed he and Ponyboy were laying in. He turned, only to lock eyes with Ponyboy and jump a bit in place. "Woah, You okay?" Ponyboy asked softly, rubbing his cheek as he sat up in bed too. Johnny was just surprised to wake up next to the boy he was figuring out he was in love with, he blinked a few times before biting his lip "U-uh yeah...Just...got startled" He chuckled nervously. 

Ponyboy's gentle hazel eyes looked at him, light concern in the butterscotch shaded iris. Johnny crawled out of the bed, looking for his shoes "Ya not gonna stay for breakfast?" Ponyboy asked. Johnny hadn't thought about that. Johnny bit his lip and tapped his feet on the ground "I guess it wouldn't hurt." He said, cracking a smile at the younger boy. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------

It was later on in the day, and the sun was starting to set. The two boys walked out of the front door of the house and went to the gate of the fence surrounding the house. They kicked at the pebbles on the worn out sidewalk, Johnny looked up "Ponyboy?" He said softly. Ponyboy looked over at him, smiling at him "Yeah?" He asked. Johnny bit his lip "Can we go sit on the hill? y'know..the one that you sit on and its high...and you can see the sunset, you can see the town too." He said, glancing at the ground. Ponyboy nodded "definitely, that sounds nice." He smiled. A few more minutes passed and they arrived at the hill, seating themselves at the top. "God..it looks so pretty up here.." Johnny said, Ponyboy looked at him, smiling softly as his heart warmed up along with his cheeks. Johnny looked over at him, catching him in the stare. "What ya lookin' at?" He asked softly, startling Ponyboy "O-oh uh...nothin'" He replied, his face starting to burn as his pale skin tinted red. 

Johnny smiled a bit at it, reaching into his jacket pocket, pulling out some fruit candies. He handed one of the small packs to Ponyboy. He sighed softly as he put one of the candies under his tongue and looked over at the younger boy, the sun shining against his soft, light skin and his full lips looking so pink and full and ugh..soft.. He felt himself tear up while looking at the other boy, he looked away quickly as he wiped his eyes, only resulting in more tears. Ponyboy heard the soft sniffles and turned to look at Johnny, his heart starting to race as he reached over to grasp Johnny's shoulder, tugging it gently. "J-Johnnycakes? Ya alright..?" he asked, "I-i uh..i-i can't.." Johnny whimpered through his tears, Ponyboy's eyebrow raised "What're you talkin' about, Johnny? Why're you crying?" He asked quickly, Johnny turned to Ponyboy and just laid into his lap, crying against the blonde's shirt. Ponyboy looked down and noticed how beautiful Johnny is, not when he's crying, but...just in general. He noticed how soft his skin looked, how cute his nose twitched when he was nervous, how full his eyelashes are...gosh.

Johnny whimpered and sniffled "I-I just...my heart keeps aching and I want to throw up, god i-i'm so fuckin' nervous..I-I can't live like this, Pony, I c-can't.." He hiccuped and sobbed. Ponyboy felt very confused about it but was starting to contemplate what the older boy meant. "Wh...what do you mean, Johnnycakes? A-are you...are you feeling okay?" He asked, his voice quivering in nervousness as he hiccupped and breathed gently through his teeth, then Ponyboy noticed Johnny's eyes starting to flutter like they do before he falls asleep. Oh my god. oh my god, he's falling asleep and he's so cute...

Johnny DID end up falling asleep, leaving Ponyboy with many questions, what did he mean by his heart aches? What did he mean by he's nervous? Why did he start crying in the first place, Ponyboy wasn't judging the poor boy, but he was just very confused and worried for his...best friend..? Is that something he can still say..?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that I haven't uploaded recently! I'm really lazy and have writers block skskks


	3. g o t t a  f e e l i n'  t h a t  i' m  g o i n'  u n d e r..♡

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Johnny wakes up from his little nap, and remembers all that happened before, he forces himself to talk and something happens.. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys!! 
> 
> BIG THANK U TO MY BEST BOY KENNETH/PONYBOY FOR HELPING ME WITH WRITERS BLOCK SSSJHDSJHSSJUDS <3

Johnny's eyes fluttered open as he woke from his sleep, rubbing his irritated eyelids before looking around the room, he noticed he was back at Ponyboy's home. Suddenly all the weight of the moments before hit him in the face like his dad's belt. He shot up from the bed, that  ~~~~Ponyboy wasn't in, thank god. He shook against the cotton fitted sheets on the mattress, putting his head in his hands "I can't...believe th-that I...oh my god." He shivered and started to tear up, panicking again. he felt so fucking sick to his stomach. He stood up shakily from the bed and strolled to the living room, feeling his heart melt, flip and twist all at the same time as he heard Pony's voice from the room, he peeked around the wall that led into the living room area. He watched Ponyboy sitting with Soda, they were both laughing really hard. All Johnny could focus on was the younger boys smile and laugh, god..his heart wrenched as he realized he had to talk to him about this. God, what will he say?

 _He's gonna think I'm a freak._ Johnny thought to himself as his eyes watered again, just then, he heard his name in the same damn voice he just wanted to avoid and run towards at the same time. "Johnny! I see ya over there, come on over here and sit with us!" Ponyboy said cheerfully, with that...fucking smile plastered on his pretty lips... Johnny wiped his eyes quickly then walked into the room fully, sitting next to the blonde boy. Ponyboy looked at him, becoming concerned again. He looked at Soda and tilted his head toward the bedroom, signaling they needed to be alone together. Soda understood because Ponyboy told him about the previous situation. 

As soon as Ponyboy opened his mouth, saying softly "Are you okay, Johnny..?" He asked, and Johnny...broke. He let go, hugging the boy tightly and crying into his shoulder "n-no! I'm n-not okay! I-I...I can't..." Johnny cried softly against the boys exposed shoulder from the sleeveless t-shirt. He felt even more sick to his stomach but he knew he had to finish this. So his feelings would just...calm down, at least that's what he wants. Johnny leaned up from Ponyboy's shoulder to look him in the eyes, he then sat up and cupped Ponyboy's cheeks "Wh-what are you doin-" Ponyboy was cut off by Johnny's lips smashing into his, his eyes widened from surprise, he never even thought that Johnny would EVEN think of him like this.

He caught himself whimper when Johnny pulled away, his heart sparking. Johnny teared up again, beginning to stand up to walk away, but unexpectedly he was pulled back down and hugged tightly and felt his lips again. They both closed their eyes as they hugged close, feeling each other's hearts beat hard. They kissed for what felt like a damn eternity, but was only like a minute, they eventually had to pull away to breathe. This gave them the time to look into the other's eyes, Johnny's red, puffy, watery ones meeting Ponyboy's warm, hazel, inviting ones. 

Johnny smiled for his first time that wasn't nervous, or forced right now, he felt genuinely happy..wow... Ponyboy let out a happy sigh of relief "holy..wow..I just..wow.." He said, Johnny felt so happy cause the literal love of his life was extra happy! "So..d-did...you like it..?" He asked softly, his cheeks reddening. Ponyboy smiled brightly and pinched the older boys right cheek gently "I loved it, why didn't you do that sooner..?" he asked softly, now that question...Johnny had so many different answers to

Johnny took a deep breath and sighed "I-I..First of all..I was worried that it would ruin what you and I already had...and..I didn't know what my feelings were at first..I'm sorry, Pony." He apologized softly, in which Ponyboy just hugged him close "don't apologize..It wasn't your fault, I understand life is confusing..so lets worry about kissing more, for now, okay?" Ponyboy said, making the couple of boys smile cheekily at each other. 

"Okay, Pony" He said softly, leaning in again. Let's just say both boys didn't stop kissing till Darry came home, Luckily they didn't get caught.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh nuggets, well this is chapter 3! the kiss Y'all wanted (most likely) and once again, thank you, Kenneth/Ponyboy (whatever name ur groovin right now) for helping me on this! He was kinda my approval boy for a few lines in the story so he was a big help! Love you guys!!


End file.
